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Top Ten Sound Techs Pet Peeves:
1. Lighting guys
2. 5 minute set changes
3. 105 Volts
4. Elevators and stairs load-ins
5. 14 Ethnic acts in 12 hours
6. Volunteer stagehands
7. People who sit in front of the PA and complain its too loud
8. Mixing monitors from front of house
9. Mix positions in stupid locations
10. Band gear

Top Ten Stupid Sayings from the Audience:
1. What would happen if I did this (with simulation of twisting knobs on the
console)
2. That would sound great in my living room
3. Do you know what all those knobs do?
4. Are you the DJ?
5. Where is the talent knob?
6. Can I keep my coat here?
7. I can't hear the vocals !!!
(from the stars girlfriend, during the first 5 seconds of the first song)
8. Do you get to meet the band?
9. Can't you count higher than 2?
10. It's too loud (While they're sitting in front of the stacks)

Top Ten Lighting Guys Pet Peeves:
1. Sound guys
2. The band
3. Sound guys
4. Backline guys
5. Sound guys
6. Video guys
7. Sound guys
8. Stage Managers
9. Sound guys
10. Did we mention sound guys?

Q: What's the difference between a rigger and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a rigger.

Q: Why is lighting truss made of aluminum?
A: So it doesn't rust before the lighting crew can get it in the air.

Q: Why does video use rope & sheaves to hang screens?
A: Because video and motors are two words that should never be used in the same sentence.

Q: How do you get a guitar player to turn down his amp?
A: Give him a music chart.

Q: What does it mean when the RTA is flat during the show?
A: The sound engineer is dead.

Q: What's the difference between a backline tech and a baby?
A: Eventually the baby stops whining.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning guitar player?
A: His amp.

Q: What's the difference between a lead singer and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

Q. What's the difference between a female singer and a light bulb?
A. The light bulb is smarter, but the singer is easier to turn on.

Q: Why are these jokes so short?
A: So stagehands can understand them too.

Q: What has 3 legs and an asshole on top of it?
A: A drum stool.

Q. What kind of microphone works best for an rapper?
A. A wireless with a dead battery.

Q. What's the best thing to play on a rappers turntable?
A. A sledge hammer!

Q. What is the dynamic range of a rap "band"?
A. On or off.

Q. How can you tell the difference between all the rap songs?
A. By their names.

Q. When do rap songs sound the best?
A. When they're over.

Q. What's the difference between a rapper and a Crow?
A. One makes loud and obnoxious noise and the other is a bird.

Q. What do you get when you play rap music backwards?
A. Rap music.

to ko sapratu par to arī pasmaidiju

tieshaam labs!!!!

_________________

Jaa, vot tas ir labais. It iipashi par tiem PA priekshaa, kuriem paraak skalji. Vel es biezhi redzu taadus, kuri stav pie/zem duumu mashiinas ar lielaam, izbriinuma pilnaam aciim .

P.S. ddff, neatceries kur dabuuji?

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